back to the boards

I finally get a month to myself. Well sort of. Its just a little under a month to do all the things I haven't been able to do for the past year and won't get to do for the next. So I created this mind-list of a thousand and one things to do - preferably achieved in the next 24 days.

This morning I woke up with the weather in my head a whole lot clearer than it was yesterday(if u've said anything to me yesterday, sorry its been completely forgotten!), and now that the fog's cleared, its revealed a swarm of mental must do! post-it notes buzzing around me, begging for attention.

Yes, I am overwhelmed and at a complete loss at what to do D:
I am excited, worried, depressed, nervous, guilty, yet hopeful.
but nothing's going to change unless I end my honeymoon here and get myself organized.

so its back to the drawing board.

...

the graceful ager.

Like all my old friends, I'll be turning 20 soon (12 August don't forget! and don't you dare wish me on Facebook! I'll ignore you.) but I barely feel 19 let alone the big two zero. I figured people in their 20s were automatically matured, smarter, practically a highly sensible and responsible adult overnight. Like it just fills your veins the moment u've got a 2 in the tenth digit of your age. At the moment, I feel like I just got out of school last month. It all feels like a fuzzy never ending year since the last day I wore my school uniform. I know I've learnt and grown a fair bit, but it sure doesnt seem grown up enough to feel like a 20 year old.

Honestly I don't want to grow up. I was going to go into my twenties kicking and screaming, and introducing myself as a 19 year old to people till I'm 25, and stay 25 until I'm 35. Or atleast for as long I as could get away with it. Cuz there are things I rather bite my own tongue for than give up with my age. But I know there's no point staying a kid forever, infact its for the better, and I bitterly accept it. or so I tell myself.

..

I had a good dream last night. Its got to be the best I ever had. If I ever dreamt anything with a storyline, it would always be left hanging, ending with the main character continuously searching, never achieving what she set out to do. I really hated those dreams. I always dreamt about the effort, the chasing, the running after and the obstacles, but I never ever once did I even see a glimpse of the end and whatever it is she was looking for, be it a watch, or a person, or a place. It just eludes her no matter how hard she tried. Its not very confidence-building if you cant even dream of a dream coming true.

so anyways : D the chain of non-achieving dreams has been broken! cos she found him in the end <3 amidst the choas of the end of the world, she still found him. I wasnt very thrilled to be in another search-dream, but I kept hoping. And I was very pleasantly surprised.

I am inspired by Studio 4C